While I genuinely hope that I do not alienate myself from any women (specifically, potential significant others), it is my firm belief that men SHOULD NOT be required by any law, implicit or explicit, to both raise AND lower the toilet seat in order to use it.My reasons for this are many, so I’ll start by listing some of the arguments I’ve heard from women around the world as to why men should have to lift the seat and then proceed to lower it as well (ok, basically just why they should have to lower it – I think the reasons for why it should be raised are probably obvious).
(Fights like this could only come from one issue: toilet seat responsibility)
One reason I’ve heard from numerous women is that if men don’t lower the seat back down, “they sometimes fall in.” I would just like to state that, for the record, if you do not look down at what you are sitting on before you sit, you are foolish. I apologize to women who have fallen in before, but you would never just sit down on a random chair without looking to see if there were thumbtacks or a piece of cake resting on the seat. Why would you not look down at a seat (at least for one second) to make sure you won’t fall into a puddle of water?
From the guy’s perspective, here’s why this argument frustrates me. If women shouldn’t be required to look down at the seat before sitting down, why should men be required to look down at the seat before…I guess we’ll call it… going number one? I don’t walk in and begin to use the toilet without first checking to see whether the seat is up. If I did that, women would be extremely displeased with me. So I check, lift, and go. Why shouldn’t women have to walk in and check if the seat is down before using the toilet? As a woman, common sense should tell you that it would be in your best interest to at least check the seat for one second before sitting down. So if you fall into a toilet because the seat is up, blame ignorance, not men.
Secondly, I hear women say that they don’t want to touch the seat because it’s “gross.” What in the world would incline one to believe that guys don’t think a toilet seat is gross? Do you think I have any desire in my heart to touch a toilet seat not just once, but twice in one use? Absolutely not. I hate germs. Just because it is gross for a woman does not make it any cleaner for a man.
Thirdly, I have heard women say “that’s just the way it’s always been.” I won’t get into this too deeply, because this blog is young and the opportunity to offend the masses (again, all two or three of you) is ever-present, but if you applied this theory to any of the other major movements in
I don’t understand how a solution can be so painfully obvious, and have the issue still be so highly debated. It’s mind-boggling (and this mind of mine is rarely boggled) that we haven’t come to the simple agreement that would solve everything: split the difference!
Guys: it is obviously our job to lift the seat before using it – it’s cleanly and it just makes for a better relationship with our female friends and family. Ladies: it is your job to use common sense, check before you sit down, and if the seat isn't down, put it down yourself. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Just think before you sit. You wouldn’t walk into the road without looking both ways (WARNING: THIS IS THE GRAPHIC CAR ACCIDENT SCENE FROM MEET JOE BLACK…that’s my disclaimer), you wouldn’t jump into a tank at Sea World before looking to see if there was a shark inside, and you wouldn’t jump out of an airplane without checking to see if you had a parachute on your back. The same could be said of checking the seat.
Besides, if the seat is up, it just means some nice boy or man already took the time to lift IT up rather than leave some disgusting bacteria on your porcelain throne. So just split the difference and go 50/50 with us on this one. It’ll be so much easier for everyone. Any differing opinions? I find it hard to believe there won’t be.
Here comes the hotsteppa…murder-a… I’m the lyrical gangsta…murder-a…